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Monday, January 7, 2013

Journal 16

Alright, so, I'm finally back at HU. It's that J-term lazy time and I have a roommate this time around. Definitely still adjusting but I think it'll all be okay in the end. (:
My J-term class is actually quite boring. It's a class on The Hobbit and I was expecting their to be excitement about an epic journey story, but it's lacking. Disappointment, but alright. Haha, I can do...You can do it through me, Jesus!
I'm listening to Brian Shilts and the High Country River Drinkers and I LOVE it. A part of me just wants to drop out of college and be a total hippie and play venues across the country...through my state...around the world. Just play music, love people, and dance in crazy, ecstatic enjoyment. Ahhhh. Ha, we'll see.
I do feel I should be here, though. I gotta lot to learn. I'm just in that awkward push-and-pull phase, coming out of religion and into Christ and learning how to live around people that, as Matt Spinks would put it, have vacant faces at the banquet table and don't know what's going in heaven in them. I want that for people so bad cause I know Daddy does and He accomplished it! I just want people to be sooo happy and sooo them all the time! Ahh! Like, I don't want other people to live other people's dreams and to be other people. I want to see them for who they really are and to enjoy them for who they are. And I want them to know that they're soooooo loved, just as they are in Christ. That's it. That's evangelism, hahaha. Reminding people of what they've forgotten. I'm soooo done with all the trying and striving and trying to manipulate God out of heaven, like He isn't already here with us, like we're too evil or whatever. PUKE OUT THAT RELIGION. I just love love so much. It's the only motivation for anything I ever want to have.
On the upside! I totally can feel the Holy Spirit revealing confidence in me. Like, I'm starting to really understand who I am, what I like, and who Christ is in His rich grace...ahhhh...it's so free. I just want to love people that I like and love everyone and yeah, GOSPEL!
Revelation of today, though, I received from Ephesians...dude, seriously...every single verse in that letter is soooo full of the glory, seriously. I'm reading it verse by verse as far as I can see the Holy Spirit leading me. I just don't want to lose that sense of awe, ya know? If I lose that, I lose the Gospel, and that's the worst thing to lose ever! But I was reading this verse this morning again...or rather these verses:
To the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved
I cried the first time I read that. I find that I need to feel accepted, as everyone else does. It's our nature and it's a good thing! To know, as a truth that Paul understood...that I am accepted in Christ because of Him who is my Lover...that's all I need to know. SO GLORIOUS GOOD.
And then...
In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace
Dude...seriously...we focus so much on everything else...we say that knowing the Gospel is the basics..not at all....His grace is RICH...there's much to discover about it's mysterious power! NEVER move on!
Mmmmmmmm. I just want that forever and always, Lover. I love You sooooo much. You know me better than I know myself. Haha! SO Good, Lover! I am Your Beloved! Bahaha! Yeah!
I just want everyone to see me as I am and to enjoy me, too. Judgment is gay for everyone. And I don't care how politically incorrect that sounds. Hahaha. I'm using slang, world. This is my blog, I use my words as I see fit/please. It's all good, I promise! Hahaha!
Yay, Jesus!!!

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