“Candy” by Machine Gun Kelly
Something is shifting in the air today. I don’t know if I have words for it?
I am letting go of all the expectations I’ve been putting on myself to have everything figured out and to be put together lately. I only know like a handful of things and I am far from put together. My self awareness is perhaps my problem sometimes haha. I am too self conscious.
I’m on antidepressants and I almost blacked out on them this morning. Still worked a little, though. The dogs were nice to be around.
I guess I’m just saying that I’m tired of holding onto everything. I want to be held. I want to release my grip and just lay back into life. I’m tired of fighting it. I’m tired of being exhausted by that fight. I don’t want to just be a fighter anymore. I do that and I’m very good at it. But I just want to live again. Hell, even to survive. I want to create a safe environment for me to do what I need to do, survival or thriving. I am doing what I can and what I want to do, and if I’m not, I will figure out what needs to change. I always do. I just wanna dance until then. It helps my brains to get there anyways.
No more trying. Just resting and living again.
“I’m in my head again. I took more medicine. Ripped up the parts of my heart and my chest again.”
