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Sunday, December 30, 2012

I don't think I'm gonna make this an official journal entry this time. Not feeling it, ya know?
I've noticed that people are actually reading this thing. Coolbeans! I'm pumped that my thoughts are spreading the Gospel! Or should I say the Holy Spirit uniquely in me? Haha. So good, He is!
Uhhh...well, I just felt like posting since I haven't in a little while. I don't particularly have too many thoughts for this one cause I've already talked to Jesus about them. Earlier, we were talking about college because someone said something about it's worth that made me frustrated. Needless to say, those kind of comments always make me more sure of God's placing me at HU. Man, I seriously love a good wrestling thought. That's probably one of my favorite parts of college, or at least HU. I love being able to discuss stuff with people who think differently than I do, not that I get to back down on the Gospel, but that I get to understand where they're coming from, sympathize with them, and be right there with them in mind and heart. Dang, son. So good, hahahaha.
And I can also say that I finally feel like I'm legitimately just moving on in life. It's cause I'm learning to quit fearing what all these adults in my life fear about their own and to trust in God. It's cause I'm finally returning to the real main thing, Holy Spirit. It's cause I'm realizing Christ more so I'm realizing myself more. It's cause my soul is bursting out of my skin. It's a cool feeling, really. Freedom to move. Ah, beautiful.
:)

Monday, December 10, 2012

Journal 15

So.
The past week or so, particularly the past few days, I think I've been depressed. Don't get me wrong; I totally had moments where I felt God and I know He's there and there's still joy (I don't understand it...haha), but there's just a lot of heavy stuff going on with people I really love and care about and that makes me so sad. I used to think I knew what broke God's heart but now I think I know more. Religion, of course, and depression, people not living happy lives and being miserable. Like, wow, it's really hitting me. I was so pumped to go out into the darkness and be light, but I still have yet to understand what darkness really is. It's just so heavy, because people are demonically accused. It's not that demons are living inside them (save demon possession...which is an insane accusation and allowance on behalf of the person...just wow!), but it's that demons are outside and accusing people, like "you're really this way, you're just a sinner, you're not really saved, Jesus didn't die for you before you were even born, things just can't be that good, we live in a fallen world, blah blah blah, lies lies lies." And the saddest, most absolute sad things I've ever known, is that people believe that garbage. It's sooooooo sad. Daddy is sooooo heartbroken. His children aren't enjoying Him because they either think they can't or somehow know they can't. I used to think God was so heartbroken over atheists and people who thought they had it all together. He TOTALLY is and I still believe it, but there's so much more to it all, ya know? So much more accusation, not so much the person cause He's already cleansed them, they just don't realize it yet because that's too good to be true. My philosophy is that it's so good it's true. Whatever is good...as God defines it...is true. And see? God is good, God is truth. They go so neatly together. We try so dang hard to get that when we should just rest and let the Spirit reveal it, ya know?
Today I received some revelation about sanctification, though. Holy Spirit says it's the process of perfecting our actions, making them line up with our identity. It's not what most people think it is: being made holy. He already made us holy, but it's Him making our actions holy because we still choose old habits and the old man (like Paul said a billion times in the New Testament). Isn't that so crazy?
It scares me so much the way Christians think they know everything about everything. There's always a boxed up answer to give someone, always that answer we think we gotta have. That scares me, friends! I see it all the time. People saying things like "well she just didn't get it...I mean come on, really? why would she think that? it's so simple." Wow, scary!! Is truth really that simply grasped in your own contemplation? That's such a fallen way of thinking: thinking on your own. We must rest, trust, and lay in His revelation and yeah, you're gonna wrestle with stuff because His truth so completely wrecks you ALL THE TIME. But that frustration is joyous because it's soooo fruitful. I just hate it when people think they've got the Bible all figured out. And if I'm really honest, I'd say most of the church really doesn't at all. It's read out of context, not through the work of Christ at all. Ugghhh...I'll just say that there are translations that I really don't like anymore at all. They're legalistic and from the fallen view of things. They're contradictory and honestly don't make any sense sometimes. It's a control thing I think. People translating it to say "you're a sinner but Jesus died for you. that still makes you a sinner, so basically what Christ did for you wasn't enough so He still has to purify you. but here's just enough hope to keep you going." No wonder why people turn away! No wonder why people hate the church! No wonder why people think they just wait around for death and then heaven! I really honestly can't blame them and that's sad! But God is doing something awesome and I love it. I'm STOKED for all my friends to get it one day.
And OH MY GAUSH, I'm so stoked for heaven. The biggest thing for me right now is that I'm gonna get to see everyone as they truly are. Like, see right through them (and I don't mean that negatively at all...in fact the complete opposite, positively!) and know the depths of their soul. I just am so stoked to be in that kind of intimacy with people. To know the icing on the cake, the uniqueness that God has given each of us, and to see it all fully manifested....goodness, so much goodness in that!! Woo!
And I get to hug my Jesus really hard and a lot and I get to see Him with my naked eyes. Bam!!
Well, I have 3 more finals to go and tomorrow should be interesting. It's such a bittersweet thing leaving for break, though. I've been so ready to go back and see my family and sleep all day and READ and JESUS and video game and tv and friends and stuff, but I also have a very dear friend that's leaving HU, and I probably won't see her for quite awhile. It makes me so sad! But I'm honestly excited for what God is gonna keep showing her (she gets the Gospel!!!). So many blessings upon her and her family!

So yeah. Lots of thoughts tonight.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Journal 14

I'm just accepting the fact that I'm stoned in You, God. Hahaha. Happiness is all the rage! Here's to redeeming lyrics! Hahahaha. :D
Why am I stoned or drunk? The knowledge of God, the knowledge that Jesus died for me before I even knew He did, changes me and it's soooooooooooooooooooooo good. I don't wanna move on from the Gospel, ever. If I do, the wisdom I gain isn't Him. Hahaha. Wisdom flows from the Gospel, hahaha. Revelation. Hahaha.
And there's a lot going in my life right now that could easily make me not drunk on Him if I focus on it and become hyper conscious of it all. But I refuse. There is literally no worry now in Him who set me free 2,000 years ago. Haha. All these things that seem bad are gonna be revealed for what they truly are in truth in Him and in love. All that same, together, united, Trinity, love. So much revelation is being poured out in this day. Old men WILL dream dreams!!! What?! I don't even know what that means, but it's glorious!!! Hahaha.
Happiness is all the rage for everyone now!!!!!!!!!!! Woooo!!!!!!!!!!! Realize it in the only One who is Mr. Happiness Himself.
Glory

From one glory child to the next,
Martina

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Journal 13

Oh God. I'm just feeling the glory today or something. I feel high but then I don't. I feel...the fear of God. Or something. Oh God. Laughter truly is the best medicine. Ahaha.
Revelation I've received today...the sorrow of the world produces death...woahhhhhh. Whatever that means, hahahahahahahahahehehe. Religion, fear, self concious sin conciousness produces death. Woahh.
Just soakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk and liveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee BE freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and happeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee as a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. hahahahaha. pollinate, soak it all up!!!!!!
pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, crash! hahahahaha

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Journal 12

Daddy,
I'm just gonna vent my frustrations. Is that okay? Of course it's okay, hahaha.
I just don't get it. I don't get how people can be so negative and how we've come to accept a negative Gospel. Woahhh. There's absolutely no glory in that. Jesus wasn't a negative person at all. He didn't use Himself as a tool of satan and didn't allow one negative thing to come out of Him. I mean, He was honest, yes, but it was to religious folk, not to anyone else. The only righteous anger...being in right standing because of Christ's work with God anger...is towards religion...judgment, hatred, negativity. Speaking the truth in love, He tells me...You tell me, Holy Spirit, is meant to go together. Love...Jesus...is truth...Jesus. So speaking Jesus in Jesus. Speak the Gospel out His outpouring...woahhhhhhhhh. Speak the truth about people over them...woahhh. Speak who they really are over them...woahhhhhhhhhhoahhoh. We confuse truth with "being real" when He means Himself! Ahahaha! We apply way too much modern thought to Scriptures that never intended to mean what we think we do. We make the Bible so legalistic and about what we can and can't do and a source of bleh as we see It through our eyes and not Christ's. Woahh. Speaking the truth in love...no. Love (the revealed value that God sees in every man) gives truth its voice. Woahhhh. We don't even know what that really means.
I HATE RELIGION.
The sheriff is DEAD but the deputy is alive!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh!!!!!!! Hahahahahahhahaha!
The most dangerous life you can live is an ignorant one.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Journal 12

Can I just say that I'm super angry right now? My friends just don't get it. They don't get grace and they have no clue how saved they are and how redeemed EVERYONE is now. They don't understand that it's not our job to be the Holy Spirit, to reveal, to awaken people. It's His.
Uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I hate satanic words spoken over people. They freaking suck.
I hate hate. I hate hardcore hate. I hate misuse of grace, even when people don't understand it. That's why they misuse it. They don't understand God's power of grace. I hate jokes that settle for the sin nature. I hate sarcasm because it says evil things about people that isn't true anymore and then pawns it off like it's no big deal. Joking is meant to be righteous and giggly and drunk. Like when Jesus called some of His disciples sons of thunder. I bet He was all giggly cause He alone knew what it really meant. hahahaha, so good.

God,

I'm done getting in the middle of things cause I can't be the Holy Spirit. I just gotta realize He's in me doing works and He's everywhere doing works and He's also in my friends doing works. All works of revelation. So Holy Spirit, I pray that You pour out Your revelation to my friends and show them the depth of Your powerful, crazy, furious love. Let them not be quick to jump to mission when You have them focused on their relationship with You. Let not men think they need to be men when they just need to chillllllll, bro. Rest, quit yelling, thaaaaat grace. Ahhhhhhhhhh. It's coming, that revelation. Booooooom....pssssssssh.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Journal 11

This morning, my spiritual mom and I texted and enjoyed the glory in each other. It was wonderful. I love her.
The fear of God is so on me right now...or I mean rather I'm realizing it. I'm in awe.
I hear Jesus laughing and it makes giggle so much.
I want to be open with all my heart to new revelation, not restricted by my own affections. I wanna exchange intimacy with everyone I meet. I wanna dig deep and fear more. And I wanna know more about obedience and stuff and where that all fits in and works with the finished work of the Cross.
God, send Your revelation for that again.
Woahhh. I just revel in Your revelation. Hahahahaha.
Woahhh.
:D <--squinty ahahaha="ahahaha" big="big" eyes="eyes" grin="grin" p="p">