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Thursday, January 10, 2013

Journal 18

So, I had a ton of thoughts I was thinking and wrestling with earlier in class and I seem to be forgetting them all... hmmm...
Oh! Sin-consciousness. We were talking about virtue and the like. Basically what I took from it was that virtue is meant to go together with faith, like it flows from faith. That's where I stand. And I think that's mostly where C.S. Lewis stands as well, but maybe not entirely, maybe my profs were taking it out of context of his actual thoughts. Not sure, maybe they weren't. But what I was hearing was that if we want a certain character trait, then we need to focus on the virtues...prudence, fortitude, faith, hope, love...etc. I like the "theological" ones, as Lewis calls them. They seem simple enough and totally focused on the, hope, and love are the cross is about!!! SCANDAL!!! Hehehe. But then where does focusing on prudence come in? Like, I guess thinking about your decisions before you make them. That seems logical and okay to me. Like, I think I'm learning that with decisions, it's so chill. It's not the bulls-eye "gotta figure out God!" bullcrap I've always been fed. Like He hasn't already revealed His will in Christ...I was just reading in Ephesians that He has! It's through the CROSS! My future, my path in life, is revealed in the cross! As I accept more fully the prize, I know more fully my path! Hahaha! SO SCANDALOUS! Ah!!! You can't get intimate with Jesus and His gifts and kiss His dripping lips and dance against His hips and not know yourself, too. He is me, we are together, we are one. Wabam! Haha! So that's my sin-consciousness talk. We can't focus on being better per se because He is our better. The only way, I believe, that we are made better is in our actions being sanctified for others to see and even ourselves to see I guess. Like, it's just a discovery of who we are and us manifesting it. But we CAN'T focus on the manifestation itself, like we can't conjure up the gateway to it (hello spiritual disciplines). Christ is the only gateway, not our own ideas or efforts, not "fake it til you make it."
Seriously guys, this is crazy. I woke up this morning thinking about this stuff, a friend messaged me about this a little, and we talked about it in class, I'm reading a book...HOLY SPIRIT I LOVE YOU!
Everything must flow from the fullness of Christ in us, never focusing on ANYTHING ELSE, no matter how great or good it is. Never in and of itself. Like, I've found myself trying to conjure up rest and trust and drunkenness in Jesus by doing things. Turning to music, movies, video games, Internet, books, etc. to "get filled up in the knowledge." I was still trying to do everything instead of just sitting. I've been asking the Holy Spirit what it is that I need to do, if anything. I was watching a Joseph Prince sermon and he was talking about how our only job is the obedience to faith found in believe. I still believe that! But Matt Spinks puts it to mean that it's HIS faith that is my belief. So literally, there's absolutely nothing I can do. I cannot conjure up faith in myself or belief. I just have to come to the end of me and stop doing everything and sit. I'm learning to just look and glance down into my soul like through a kaleidoscope and to see the beauty He has in me and to rest and operate in that, not anyone else's dreams and everything. From there, I think about how I love to reach and love on other people. I'm somewhere in between all of this. All depression comes from me not looking at my soul and letting it praise because it always does.
I keep telling people that all of us has been made new...our thoughts, our souls, our feelings, our wills...Our souls and thoughts for sure. He saved us, gave us free salvation Woooo!!!! and gave us the mind of Christ. I just know that I don't always feel it and don't always want to, ya know? But I think that's all the Spirit that I've been missing...hahahahahahaha. Oh, shoot! We've been given the Spirit of God...His personality...personality manifests itself through the will and feelings...shoot, dude. Literally no excuses now! Ouch, wow!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to do some more research on personality now. I think I shall. Hahahaha. I just love God so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehehe.
Drink the blood straight from My veins!

I'll be back later to edit this with more thoughts. Goodbye for now.

Dude....... I am so getting...seeing the fear of God right now. Soooooo goood.
So personality is defined as "characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behavior that makes one unique." It is consistent in how one perceives things, how they act and react, and how they think. It can be both psychological and biological. It impacts how one behaves and acts. It has multiple expressions: thoughts, feelings, close relationships, etc. It manifests in different styles of thinking, feeling, and acting. It is "patterns, tendencies, inclinations." When we describe personalities in people with words, it's said that we mean extremes in them, describing them in "above average" ways. Also, temperament is our inborn characteristics. Some theories are first type, which is based on different levels of fluids in our body (some have more types of one fluid and another, etc). There is trait theory which is based on our genes. There is psychodynamic theory, which is based on the power of our subconscious  And there is the humanist theory, which is based on free will and one's experience in life shaping them (nature v. nurture, social interactions, behavioral theory, etc).
Okay. Uh.
Jesus. God. Holy Spirit. Yes yes yes. His personality in us allll!!!! Hahahahhaha!!!!!!!!!!!
The Spirit that He gave us and the mind of Christ that comes with His characteristics...His thoughts, feelings, and behavior...His actions...His perceptions...His reactions...His proximity to all of humanity...also known as His love for all of us...Ahhhh... He MADE us for this. All philosophy seeks to understand this but misses it because it tries too hard instead of seeing it as it is and seeking the revelation!!! that comes with it, not just the knowledge. Hahaha. Baha. We all have His personality and just express it differently...there are variations of Him because He is sooo fulll...we all have the cake and eat it to and have our very own different icings that capture other parts of Him...specific parts of Him... The reason everything sounds like extremes to us when describing others is because we are all made differently and naturally excel in different areas and I believe that  that is for our revealed paths in life...I am more a thoughts person by far and I use that to analyze, to dream, to imagine, to perceive differently, to be brilliant in that way...etc. Or I mean manifest all of that brilliantness He gave me already!!! To manifest His brilliant mind in my brilliant mind which is His!!! His pleasure is me!!!!!!! Ahahaha!!!! We may get things from our parents because we're in the family. Still don't fully understand that one, but He's given us such awesome intimacy. Our subconscious, I believe, is our souls speaking, and that's why it may influence a lot of things. It's the place in us that salvation stems from...our reality...His love for us...His death and resurrection as unbelievers, they seek this out in all the wrong places just through thoughts and feelings, etc. Their souls cry out and they'll find themselves again through Christ, but right now, they seek through everything but the soul. They don't look at the generator that's asking them questions about life...hahahaha. The humanist theory is bologna in my mind. It's what I'm getting away from. To me, it worships the will and bases everything off what we perceive through everything but our souls...our salvation...His love for us....His death and resurrection as power...His individual expressions in us...manifestations of His love...the icing in us...bahaha!!!
Friend, soak this in and think. Be challenged and be!!!! Hahaha!!!
Done for today. Be back later on this all again....ahohohohohoahehehe. :D

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