Now that I've said what I feel plainly, I want to explain.
First of all, here's the backstory...
In my theology class, we've been discussing various parts of the traditional "doctrines" like God and who He is, His attributes, etc. We just finished on the image of God and are now moving on to sin in a few days here. I have had quite a lot of trouble trying to fully explain myself because of this here doctrine. I thought my problem was going to be with the doctrine of Christ/atonement, but that's only part of it. To be honest, I'm sort of dreading talking about sin for the next however many long weeks, 4 days a week. I read up on what our textbooks have to say and I'm pretty sure we're just going to stay within those. To be honest, it doesn't seem to me like anyone has yet to believe that sin isn't this big issue or a part of our nature.
What brought about this musing is how I felt today. I had this nagging almost depressing feeling come over me and, as I've been trained to do, I started thinking about the music I've been listening to, the people I've been hanging around on my own, and the teachers I've been following because I resonate with them in my heart. I began by coming against my very self and that's when I knew...something isn't right here. I feel as if my environment is always looking inward, too, attaching every single mistake they've ever done to themselves as a pattern of life. And not only to themselves but all of humanity! I find this entirely disconcerting!
I've been thinking about what some of the thoughts I was reading are about sin, and how I feel my professor might go about it. One in particular that did stick out to me was that sin involves community, and the tearing up of it. Knowing my professor to be big on community, I assume he will probably lean more towards this understanding (not that he will enforce it on us, but I assume he will favor it). Part of me likes that because at least it's not AS focused on our own shame, but then I suppose it is. I assume it means something like one of us messes up and everyone feels it so we should guilt ourselves into never messing up and guilt ourselves into confession and repentance and guilt ourselves into feeling what other people feel and guilt ourselves into forgiveness.
I hate guilt. I hate shame even more. I hate fear. Don't you?
So why do we sympathize with it so dang much? Why do we attach it to our identities? Because the Bible seems to say so? Gag! Why should any book be an external authority by which we dictate our lives? Does not Scripture itself even say that God writes the law on our hearts (our sense of morality/ethics/just being ourselves really in relation to God and others)? Doesn't Jesus come to "fulfill" the law...or better yet, to show that He IS the law? Loving people that aren't getting loved and yet loving the self-righteous, too? God is love and since when did He ever stop loving us? Since when did He ever change His mind about us as "very good"? Why do we think we MUST conceive of a God that reigns down justice in the name of love? Because the Bible seems to say so? Circular reasoning. How do we know what love is? Because the Bible tells us so? No, because we EXPERIENCE it. No book can ever tell you what love is in its entirety. No words can. Maybe there are words...maybe they sound like...Y...H...W...H...Jesus...God...Father/Papa...Mother/Mama...Brother/Sister...Grandfather/Ancient of Days...Fountain of Youth...Elohim...Creator... Maybe love has nothing to do with Scripture. Maybe it speaks of it but we all know in our hearts that love cannot be summed up like that.
And with our hearts...my main point here to be stated is that I really, really, really don't think our hearts are bad, or evil and wicked beyond all measure. I can EASILY see how that is one man's idea of how he made a mistake and now all of a sudden it's attached to his identity. That seems like the big life question we've all pondered...who am I? Am I good? Of course! Who told you otherwise? Maybe Adam got too close to his feelings of loneliness and instead of learning from his mistake, humanity picked up on it and said "hey! that's how i feel too! we must all have something about us that is this way! at least i'm not alone in that!" How sad, that humanity feels they can only relate to each other based on their problems. We long for more, do we not? We long to know that the whole earth loves us. We long to live in fullness of community. And I argue that sin does not separate us from that, but only in our minds. What if, like I've said, we just romanticized those feelings of guilt and superimposed these pagan ideas of how gods are angry and all onto the real God, forcing Him to relate to us through sacrifice--which, later on we find out He hates! (I argue not because our hearts are evil, but because we refuse to just rest and trust in Papa to show us Himself and therefore us)--and murdered our very image because we'd gotten soooo far out of hand with our mistaken beliefs? What if that mistake wasn't a big deal, originally at least, and it just escalated sooo out of proportion that God planned Christ to come? Maybe He knew we'd sacrifice Him, maybe He didn't...I don't know. But does it really matter? It doesn't change "my faith"...does it yours, I mean really? Maybe He did know but worked with us where we were, trying to change our minds, and when we wouldn't, He offered Himself up and said "look...here, at what I just accomplished...you just killed both Me and yourself...and yet I forgive you ("Father, forgive them for they know not what they do..."). there is absolutely nothing that can or will EVER separate us...I prayed for our oneness to be realized between You and me and in community with the whole earth...you never lost it...you only thought you did...I did to bring healing to your troubled mind that was never set to wander...you only thought it was and I give you so much freedom to learn and create worlds for yourself...I'd like you to rest in the one I made and to let me show you how to be yourself because you are Me...we are Gods/gods...I wanted to share in this divine nature with you...I love you my child...beloved..."
So,
Since when has sin EVER been a problem for Papa? Since when have we EVER been disgusting to Him? Since when?
If you're reading this, I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE to discuss this with you. I'm not afraid if you're not afraid. Thank you.
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