Journal 39

Alright. So.
So much has happened since I last wrote on here. Let's see.
I've spent most of my time hanging out with family and loving on them and being there for them and comforting and encouraging them. That's a complete learning process. And the Lord blessed it at the foundations of the earth, so I'm just revealing where His healing love is in all that. Awesome sauce.
I've started dating the most amazing boy in the entire universe. He just rules. Be jealous. But not really. Be happy. Hahaha. He's the best representation of Jesus I know, my best friend, my favorite person to adventure with in all ways and just everything from here to the moon. Woot! Go Trinity for setting that up! Lolz. I've learned sooooo much from him, it blows my MIND every single day. I'm truly incredibly blessed and I like that. :) To infinity and beyond!
I've been attending a group of lovers of Jesus this summer. I've got to see one of my favorite people while there and built more relationship with her. She's the best. Go Jesus for setting up knowing her, too! Haha.
I've been getting more into math rock and exploring its history and such because I'm a nerd and I love telling my boyfriend and anyone who's willing to listen all about what I'm discovering. I love digging up facts and histories of unpopular music. It's so much fun and cool in my book. It rules.
And Jesus is just being so good to me. He's revealing soooo much healing in me and that rules entirely so much. He's the best first love ever! Gosh...I'm so glad I've fallen in love with Him first. Wouldn't have it any other way. :)

So with that, be encouraged Body! All of humanity I mean! Hahaha. Giggle a little; it's good for your spirits. :)

Journal 38

So...Jesus wants me to contemplate His mystery this morning. Hahaha. How sweet a thing to do! He makes me smile a whole lot because He's so precious and gentle and sweet and understanding and passionate and loving and AWESOME. He is the greatest of all Romancers! Hahaha! That's soo good! Lol.
I can see that now more than ever now. His love for me as a girl is so intimately wrapped up in my identity in Him, it's soooo crazyyyy. Gosh. Wuuut.
There is SERIOUSLY sooo much WHACK on being a girl. For realzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. It's so insane, but so sane. Hahaha.
So Jesus, this morning I contemplate how freaking amazing it is being a human girl. Ahhhhh. That's sooo crazy!!! I can feel Your heartbeat just pulsing for me to know You as You know me. Ahahaha. Sooo good and righteous You are! Lol! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, la romance. Adventure. Beauty. YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
:)
I just want to smile all day now. I think I will. Hahahahaha.

Thoughts

There's a lot that's been on my mind lately about God. I've been revisiting His existence and just general arguments about the core of our existence, too. It's been really quite interesting, honestly.
In all of that, I've realized a few very important things.
One: Hope is one the most powerful forces ever. So many people give it up and live in fear in tons of ways.
Two: Man is responsible for his actions, not the will of God (per se...still unpacking it...).
Three: Man creates a whole heck of a lot of garbage philosophies and religions to try to cope with the way things really aren't at their core. Because he gave up hope and quit believing what God believed about His beautiful creation that He called good when He made them with His Word that is final and never changing.
Four: Man is truly one with God. Not that we are God in a completely dependent on ourselves, self-sufficient way, but in a completely dependent on God passively and moving in freedom of marriage with Him.
Five: That which brings about paranoia, lack of awe and thought, fear, and robot-like following (in ANY context, even that which I cannot yet see) in my life is not worth believing.
Thus, I still believe in God because I believe in His goodness and our goodness. I haven't given up on humanity and I'm not trying to change that which is already good. I'm not insane.

BEING HUMAN IS AWESOME

Thoughts For Today

I have a lot of religious friends.
And sometimes they really anger me.
Now I know why Jesus flipped over tables.
A few words: religion, hatred, negativity, self-righteousness
Of course people are self-righteous because they don't believe they can be all the way, perfectly righteous without doing anything.
Hahahahaah
Oh...olive glory
I love olive the glory, olive it

Journal 37

Hey Papa.
I'm having a really hard time with this new journey You have on in receiving Your love for me as my Papa. I hear You echoing such sweet things about me, but they're too close for me to believe them about myself. I get You/Jesus as my Lover, I get that. I can accept that. But as my Father? What the heck do You see in me? I get the whole Jesus mirroring me thing. Totally. But what about just You? I sense that You are really the Trinity here and Your love for me as the Father is just as intimately wrapped up in that. There's something blocking me, like some saloon doors that need to be opened, haha.
I said, "Papa, I know You're here, but I'm not sure where. What have I done?"
You said, "Nothing, Dear. I've just shown you (some of the) width and height of My love. Now I want to show you My depths."
So I said, "Echo, echo."
Then You said, "Let go."
Of what? My lack of trust? My lack of trust. My lack of doing things for myself. My lack of becoming my own male figure. My lack of being my own dad. Oh, what I can't do for myself anymore when I learn to trust You, hahaha. Man...oh, Son of Man! This is hard!!! Hahaha. I certainly need You to sooo remind me allllll the timeeeeeeee with this one. Like, every second of every day or I certainly forget it all. Help me, Papa, ohhhh, help me. Hehehe.
I do know that I can giggle and You seem to love it.
Hahahaha. What a good Papa. :)

Journal 36

Wow. It's been awhile, haha. I'm quite proud of myself, hahaha. Just cause I can be.
Lol.
Dang....
I've just been learning so much about freedom and what that really means. I've received revelation and I believe it's been confirmed that freedom is being TOTALLY free. Not at ALL bound by ANYTHING. Implying, I do not have a sin nature anymore and I am not prone to wander. I never really was, I just thought I was, or at least intuitively learned it from others that that was how I was supposed to act (however subconcious, your subconcious is some powerful stuff). But I've learned that freedom is in fact a license to sin because freedom is grace. How can grace not be a license to sin, because if it's not then that means it won't be around when you do! Haha! There's sooo much freedom on that! Freedom is freedom because it enables you to fail miserably or to do stupendously. Either way, it's there for you. It's your hero, hehe. It's your everything. We don't get or obtain freedom. Our whole lives are freedom, hehehe! We are infinite! Again, I say it!
WE ARE INFINITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhh... so much happiness manifesting right now everywhere. Just lookkkkkkk and soakkkk ka ka kaa ka ka

Dang, Daddy
I so love You a whole bunch and I love screaming it to the whole world! I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love!!!! ahahahaha!!! You make me laugh so hard because all my friends wanna know how I'm doing. I tell them awesome because You're just amazing and my HUSBAND. And then they giggle and pretend they understand. I mean, they do, but they've forgotten over time. So I remind them and it seems so weird and foreign to them to just be sooooo in love with You because You are and we are and I am and we are one!! That's enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bahahaha, so gooooooooood, Jesus!!! Wahooo! Woop!!! Water balloons cause we can. :)
lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Happiness :)