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Sunday, April 21, 2013

Journal 37

Hey Papa.
I'm having a really hard time with this new journey You have on in receiving Your love for me as my Papa. I hear You echoing such sweet things about me, but they're too close for me to believe them about myself. I get You/Jesus as my Lover, I get that. I can accept that. But as my Father? What the heck do You see in me? I get the whole Jesus mirroring me thing. Totally. But what about just You? I sense that You are really the Trinity here and Your love for me as the Father is just as intimately wrapped up in that. There's something blocking me, like some saloon doors that need to be opened, haha.
I said, "Papa, I know You're here, but I'm not sure where. What have I done?"
You said, "Nothing, Dear. I've just shown you (some of the) width and height of My love. Now I want to show you My depths."
So I said, "Echo, echo."
Then You said, "Let go."
Of what? My lack of trust? My lack of trust. My lack of doing things for myself. My lack of becoming my own male figure. My lack of being my own dad. Oh, what I can't do for myself anymore when I learn to trust You, hahaha. Man...oh, Son of Man! This is hard!!! Hahaha. I certainly need You to sooo remind me allllll the timeeeeeeee with this one. Like, every second of every day or I certainly forget it all. Help me, Papa, ohhhh, help me. Hehehe.
I do know that I can giggle and You seem to love it.
Hahahaha. What a good Papa. :)

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