Journal 2

Lord,
You are my reason to sing. You are my reason to dance. You are my reason to speak in tongues. You are my reason to act like a fool. You are my reason to think. You are my reason to be. You are my reason always, every day, in everything.
I hate the world. But I love Jesus. I loathe what detests You, or at least I like to think I do. Perhaps I love some things that I shouldn't. Perhaps I idolize my stuff and my abilities and my own thoughts above Your stuff, abilities, and thoughts.
And You are my King, my Victor. The war is OVER. The battle's ARE being won. Martina just walks.
There's so much peace in You, Jesus. You are SUCH a good Lover. There's no human on earth that could love me nearly as much as You do. No parent, no friend, no other half that could even come close. They could capture some of it, but I'd just be looking in a mirror of Your face and not Your actual face.
HA! Oh, what a day that will be, when I can KISS YOU! Haha! Shoooooot.
It's beautiful that my soul cries out when my thoughts won't themselves. I allowed my soul to pray this morning and paused my thoughts, quit forcing myself to try voice what I couldn't voice to God. My soul is so perfectly beautiful. It longs in ways I just can't understand. No book, no quote, no theologian could ever grasp it in all its essence. Waters of living water flow from my soul and I don't understand them, I just house them. Ha! How ridiculous is that? I am a temple of living water, life, God's glory, creation in me.
I'll stop writing now. The words just aren't enough anymore.