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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Journal 1

So I'm doing this mentoring thing with my friend for her Discipling Minstries. She suggested I journal while listening to music. So here I am, listening to Civil Parish.
It's cool, I like it. I can calm down, chill, and gather my thoughts. AND JUST SPEND SOME TIME WITH MY LOVE!
Tonight we had Praise & Worship Ekklessia (student-led chapel) and it was awesome. I love how God's freedom and hope is rising on campus. [Sidenote, right now I can here Miss Katie laughing on my floor and it makes me smile a lot] I just love how God can move, despite all my judgments about how He can't in this environment through these people because they aren't like me and don't worship the way I do. Dumb.
I hate legalism. It strains me so! I'd say if there were any personal struggle right now it's with legalism and judgment. I have my thoughts about where it's come from and I don't like that at all. It's just...dumb.
But God's love is bigger than that!! Gosh, He loves me SO MUCH. IT'S RIDICULOUS. I forget so much all the time every day all day. He is so big and all He wants to do is date me, tell me how much of a babe I am, and glorify Himself through me as I fall in love with Him more and more all the time every day all day. Like, what?!?! What is that?! Friends, that's the GOD I serve.
Ahhhhhhhh. Just ahhhhhh.
What awe I can be in, completely and utterly. And not be ashamed for taking the time to be still and enjoy Him. Bride, do you know we're allowed to ENJOY Him? We're not meant to strive and try really hard to earn anything. We don't owe Him anything because Jesus PAID IT ALL. I'm sick of all these songs that talk about how much we suck and how much we owe Him. I really just am. He did it already, accomplished EVERYTHING. It's that simple, no grey. Just black and white. He either did or He didn't and HE DID. THAT'S THE LOVE WE KNOW. Not some halfway Gospel that says, "Well, yes Jesus died for you and He loves you very much, but you've got to do your part to get into heaven. Blah blah blah." Yes, there's a heaven and there's a hell and we do have stuff to do. But it's not out of duty. It's out of love. Starstruck love. Nothing else. If it's out of duty, it's law. And Jesus fulfilled/finished the law for us. WABAM!
God is just so good. Period.
He's so delivered me of my past and my present and my future already.
I've been under spiritual attack lately and it's sucked. I've dreaded going to sleep because I hate the dark and how dark I and everything around me feels. I hate going to the bathroom at night because I can feel darkness. I hate it. My friend said she was going through the same thing a month ago and suggested I get some water and rebuke that junk. I did last night and it was wonderful. The enemy has been defeated cause death couldn't freaking hold Him down!!! BAM!
My music keeps freezing and that really blows, but God is still good, all the time. All the time, God is good!!!!
:)

PS. I know I could just as easily journal privately, but I really feel like I should just share what's on my heart and in my head. That doesn't mean I'm going to be miss "tell the whole world about every little thing," just what I feel led to write and would like to testify about. Maybe this makes sense to you, maybe it speaks to you. I don't know. I'm just done being alone all the time and not sharing my engagement with my Husband with the world, inviting them to our sweet banquet.

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