I was reading through all my old posts again.
I've learned a lot recently that we're as fake as all we try to cover up with lies and caring too much what everyone else is thinking. It's something that hurts so much that it hurts so much to watch.
I've learned to separate worry from concern. Worry is "unduly concern." Concern is, well, just concern. Because of love, I am concerned. Worrying about someone does not mean I love them. It means I don't have control of the situation and want to. I can mask fear all I want, but I'm done.
I have a lot of fears.
I'm afraid that my family just won't understand, that there's no use in trying to restore any relationships because they just are the way they are. Sometimes I think if God wants them fixed He'll just up and do it Himself. I'm afraid that I'll never get rid of these insecurities I've picked up. I'm constantly afraid I'll make a mistake and misrepresent Christ. But you know what I've learned even more than a lot lately?
I am the righteousness of God through Jesus Christ and there's not a thing I can do to make Him love me more or make anyone else love me more. Jesus paid the full price and He has to continue to do all the work. No burden is too big for Him, or too small. He is my all. I exalt You.
"Strengthened with all might according to His glorious power"
p.s. Explosions In The Sky may have provided a gateway to saving my dad's life today.