Jesus

I was reading through all my old posts again.
I've learned a lot recently that we're as fake as all we try to cover up with lies and caring too much what everyone else is thinking. It's something that hurts so much that it hurts so much to watch.
I've learned to separate worry from concern. Worry is "unduly concern." Concern is, well, just concern. Because of love, I am concerned. Worrying about someone does not mean I love them. It means I don't have control of the situation and want to. I can mask fear all I want, but I'm done.
I have a lot of fears.
I'm afraid that my family just won't understand, that there's no use in trying to restore any relationships because they just are the way they are. Sometimes I think if God wants them fixed He'll just up and do it Himself. I'm afraid that I'll never get rid of these insecurities I've picked up. I'm constantly afraid I'll make a mistake and misrepresent Christ. But you know what I've learned even more than a lot lately?
I am the righteousness of God through Jesus Christ and there's not a thing I can do to make Him love me more or make anyone else love me more. Jesus paid the full price and He has to continue to do all the work. No burden is too big for Him, or too small. He is my all. I exalt You.
"Strengthened with all might according to His glorious power"

p.s. Explosions In The Sky may have provided a gateway to saving my dad's life today.

I Love God

Dear Jesus,
I compose this message to You because You deserve it. I suck but You rock and that's why everything's okay. You look at me as the righteousness of Your Father, God, and that's how I see myself. I'm so sorry for blowing You off because I know You just want to spend time with me, and I'm lame, lazy, and procrastinate. I know You want to take me out on fancy dates and romance me, and I ask that You teach me how to let You because sometimes I'm afraid of what You'll say to me, that I may be convicted. But that's the best part about You; You can always say what I can't. Thank You so very much for saving such a pitiful wretch like me. I love You! Give me opportunities to express that to You, love through me, and be glorified. You are so perfect, matchless in every single way. You are the perfect husband, lover, best friend, and dad before all others and I love You because You loved me first. Help me to truly humble myself before Your glorious throne, let no pride dwell in me. You are wonderful.
Your creation, Your glory,
Martina

Rereading

Reading these old posts really helps put things in perspective.
I've been having THE HARDEST TIME getting in God's presence. I can't tell if I'm over-thinking everything or Satan's just really messing with me. I feel like and know that I can be spending more time with Him. Something's just way out of whack. I need some prayer.

Maybe Not Enough Amplitude

2 feet into the transition...back from it all.

I gave my Bible away. I feel like I don't know what the heck to do. And then I have this immensely, ridiculously large Internet with a zillion different Bibles. Duh!!

I got the worst of myself today. Pride shoved it's way back in. But of course, I forgot to pray about it. Ugh.

Church is finally back tomorrow..well today. I've never been more excited.

Worship songs. Finishing up lame homework. Worship songs.

Thank You Jesus!!!!!!!!!!

Not Taking Showers In A Dirty World

I'm done being depressed. It's really not that cool, I've discovered. It's more so artistic. Feeling artsy makes me feel like I could create whatever I wanted to, and nobody, no one, could critique it.
On the flip side, I've forgotten about God. I've forgotten about everything He does. I've even forgotten to talk to Him. And it completely sucks. Nothing has sucked more. I'm wallowing in self-pity. My thoughts are all nitty-gritty. I lay down in my comforters and waste away, every day. Screw it. Not today, not any other day.
Isaiah 65, Isaiah 65 will save my life.
I am so sick of being a man. What has man ever done without God? Everything good was created by God, so anything good that anyone has done "apart" from Him has essentially done His work, whether they face the fact or not.
WE ARE NO GOOD ON OUR ACCOUNT.

...Have i.

:-)

I really hate writing essays that aren't personal.