Yo

I'm feeling slightly lighter lately, so here's an update?

I honestly thought I was gonna wait until a few more things were lined up in my life before I made another check-in like this. I've been a reallllll slut for privacy in this part of my life. It's SUCH a vibe, I'm so here for it. 

Anyways, I'm finishing out the last year of my undergraduate degree while getting my life back together in Indiana. I fucking hate being here so goddamn much and I'm sorry to my friends that have to hear me say that all the time. But I truly have continued to come to terms with the misery/sense of depression I get from being here. I've never felt like I fit in here - that's always been the lingering feeling. 

At any rate, I work with some awesome people that love autistic kiddos and it has given my sense of purpose and praxis so much focus. I wanted to move back home to focus on my career by getting through school and was NOT anticipating I'd be working in the field already. It's a beautiful ray of hope I didn't expect but I'm grateful for. 

Like I said, I'm not in leftist spaces anymore (for right now) because I'm over all the bullshit and practicing community with my co-workers is an unexpected but so so great development in my values. I've really been trying to embody my values instead of talking about them the past few years, while that has simultaneously meant showing up for MYSELF and being as available as I can be to others. I'm learning that I don't have to try more than I already try -- people trust me because I'm a real, ever-growing person, and that's all there is to it. That's the magic and creativity of life I guess. 

I'm already bored talking about this and as much as I adore conversations about life I also am so exhausted by them so like whatever. I'm T-I-R-E-D trying to inspire. I just wanna fuckin' exist. So like, life, or, whateverrrrrrr. 

Oh, I'm also still polyamorous but not really practicing and doing intense trauma healing in therapy. An average day for me.