So...Jesus wants me to contemplate His mystery this morning. Hahaha. How sweet a thing to do! He makes me smile a whole lot because He's so precious and gentle and sweet and understanding and passionate and loving and AWESOME. He is the greatest of all Romancers! Hahaha! That's soo good! Lol.
I can see that now more than ever now. His love for me as a girl is so intimately wrapped up in my identity in Him, it's soooo crazyyyy. Gosh. Wuuut.
There is SERIOUSLY sooo much WHACK on being a girl. For realzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. It's so insane, but so sane. Hahaha.
So Jesus, this morning I contemplate how freaking amazing it is being a human girl. Ahhhhh. That's sooo crazy!!! I can feel Your heartbeat just pulsing for me to know You as You know me. Ahahaha. Sooo good and righteous You are! Lol! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, la romance. Adventure. Beauty. YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
:)
I just want to smile all day now. I think I will. Hahahahaha.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Thoughts
There's a lot that's been on my mind lately about God. I've been revisiting His existence and just general arguments about the core of our existence, too. It's been really quite interesting, honestly.
In all of that, I've realized a few very important things.
One: Hope is one the most powerful forces ever. So many people give it up and live in fear in tons of ways.
Two: Man is responsible for his actions, not the will of God (per se...still unpacking it...).
Three: Man creates a whole heck of a lot of garbage philosophies and religions to try to cope with the way things really aren't at their core. Because he gave up hope and quit believing what God believed about His beautiful creation that He called good when He made them with His Word that is final and never changing.
Four: Man is truly one with God. Not that we are God in a completely dependent on ourselves, self-sufficient way, but in a completely dependent on God passively and moving in freedom of marriage with Him.
Five: That which brings about paranoia, lack of awe and thought, fear, and robot-like following (in ANY context, even that which I cannot yet see) in my life is not worth believing.
Thus, I still believe in God because I believe in His goodness and our goodness. I haven't given up on humanity and I'm not trying to change that which is already good. I'm not insane.
In all of that, I've realized a few very important things.
One: Hope is one the most powerful forces ever. So many people give it up and live in fear in tons of ways.
Two: Man is responsible for his actions, not the will of God (per se...still unpacking it...).
Three: Man creates a whole heck of a lot of garbage philosophies and religions to try to cope with the way things really aren't at their core. Because he gave up hope and quit believing what God believed about His beautiful creation that He called good when He made them with His Word that is final and never changing.
Four: Man is truly one with God. Not that we are God in a completely dependent on ourselves, self-sufficient way, but in a completely dependent on God passively and moving in freedom of marriage with Him.
Five: That which brings about paranoia, lack of awe and thought, fear, and robot-like following (in ANY context, even that which I cannot yet see) in my life is not worth believing.
Thus, I still believe in God because I believe in His goodness and our goodness. I haven't given up on humanity and I'm not trying to change that which is already good. I'm not insane.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Thoughts For Today
I have a lot of religious friends.
And sometimes they really anger me.
Now I know why Jesus flipped over tables.
A few words: religion, hatred, negativity, self-righteousness
Of course people are self-righteous because they don't believe they can be all the way, perfectly righteous without doing anything.
Hahahahaah
Oh...olive glory
I love olive the glory, olive it
And sometimes they really anger me.
Now I know why Jesus flipped over tables.
A few words: religion, hatred, negativity, self-righteousness
Of course people are self-righteous because they don't believe they can be all the way, perfectly righteous without doing anything.
Hahahahaah
Oh...olive glory
I love olive the glory, olive it
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Journal 37
Hey Papa.
I'm having a really hard time with this new journey You have on in receiving Your love for me as my Papa. I hear You echoing such sweet things about me, but they're too close for me to believe them about myself. I get You/Jesus as my Lover, I get that. I can accept that. But as my Father? What the heck do You see in me? I get the whole Jesus mirroring me thing. Totally. But what about just You? I sense that You are really the Trinity here and Your love for me as the Father is just as intimately wrapped up in that. There's something blocking me, like some saloon doors that need to be opened, haha.
I said, "Papa, I know You're here, but I'm not sure where. What have I done?"
You said, "Nothing, Dear. I've just shown you (some of the) width and height of My love. Now I want to show you My depths."
So I said, "Echo, echo."
Then You said, "Let go."
Of what? My lack of trust? My lack of trust. My lack of doing things for myself. My lack of becoming my own male figure. My lack of being my own dad. Oh, what I can't do for myself anymore when I learn to trust You, hahaha. Man...oh, Son of Man! This is hard!!! Hahaha. I certainly need You to sooo remind me allllll the timeeeeeeee with this one. Like, every second of every day or I certainly forget it all. Help me, Papa, ohhhh, help me. Hehehe.
I do know that I can giggle and You seem to love it.
Hahahaha. What a good Papa. :)
I'm having a really hard time with this new journey You have on in receiving Your love for me as my Papa. I hear You echoing such sweet things about me, but they're too close for me to believe them about myself. I get You/Jesus as my Lover, I get that. I can accept that. But as my Father? What the heck do You see in me? I get the whole Jesus mirroring me thing. Totally. But what about just You? I sense that You are really the Trinity here and Your love for me as the Father is just as intimately wrapped up in that. There's something blocking me, like some saloon doors that need to be opened, haha.
I said, "Papa, I know You're here, but I'm not sure where. What have I done?"
You said, "Nothing, Dear. I've just shown you (some of the) width and height of My love. Now I want to show you My depths."
So I said, "Echo, echo."
Then You said, "Let go."
Of what? My lack of trust? My lack of trust. My lack of doing things for myself. My lack of becoming my own male figure. My lack of being my own dad. Oh, what I can't do for myself anymore when I learn to trust You, hahaha. Man...oh, Son of Man! This is hard!!! Hahaha. I certainly need You to sooo remind me allllll the timeeeeeeee with this one. Like, every second of every day or I certainly forget it all. Help me, Papa, ohhhh, help me. Hehehe.
I do know that I can giggle and You seem to love it.
Hahahaha. What a good Papa. :)
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Journal 36
Wow. It's been awhile, haha. I'm quite proud of myself, hahaha. Just cause I can be.
Lol.
Dang....
I've just been learning so much about freedom and what that really means. I've received revelation and I believe it's been confirmed that freedom is being TOTALLY free. Not at ALL bound by ANYTHING. Implying, I do not have a sin nature anymore and I am not prone to wander. I never really was, I just thought I was, or at least intuitively learned it from others that that was how I was supposed to act (however subconcious, your subconcious is some powerful stuff). But I've learned that freedom is in fact a license to sin because freedom is grace. How can grace not be a license to sin, because if it's not then that means it won't be around when you do! Haha! There's sooo much freedom on that! Freedom is freedom because it enables you to fail miserably or to do stupendously. Either way, it's there for you. It's your hero, hehe. It's your everything. We don't get or obtain freedom. Our whole lives are freedom, hehehe! We are infinite! Again, I say it!
WE ARE INFINITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhh... so much happiness manifesting right now everywhere. Just lookkkkkkk and soakkkk ka ka kaa ka ka
Dang, Daddy
I so love You a whole bunch and I love screaming it to the whole world! I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love!!!! ahahahaha!!! You make me laugh so hard because all my friends wanna know how I'm doing. I tell them awesome because You're just amazing and my HUSBAND. And then they giggle and pretend they understand. I mean, they do, but they've forgotten over time. So I remind them and it seems so weird and foreign to them to just be sooooo in love with You because You are and we are and I am and we are one!! That's enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bahahaha, so gooooooooood, Jesus!!! Wahooo! Woop!!! Water balloons cause we can. :)
lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Happiness :)
Lol.
Dang....
I've just been learning so much about freedom and what that really means. I've received revelation and I believe it's been confirmed that freedom is being TOTALLY free. Not at ALL bound by ANYTHING. Implying, I do not have a sin nature anymore and I am not prone to wander. I never really was, I just thought I was, or at least intuitively learned it from others that that was how I was supposed to act (however subconcious, your subconcious is some powerful stuff). But I've learned that freedom is in fact a license to sin because freedom is grace. How can grace not be a license to sin, because if it's not then that means it won't be around when you do! Haha! There's sooo much freedom on that! Freedom is freedom because it enables you to fail miserably or to do stupendously. Either way, it's there for you. It's your hero, hehe. It's your everything. We don't get or obtain freedom. Our whole lives are freedom, hehehe! We are infinite! Again, I say it!
WE ARE INFINITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhh... so much happiness manifesting right now everywhere. Just lookkkkkkk and soakkkk ka ka kaa ka ka
Dang, Daddy
I so love You a whole bunch and I love screaming it to the whole world! I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love!!!! ahahahaha!!! You make me laugh so hard because all my friends wanna know how I'm doing. I tell them awesome because You're just amazing and my HUSBAND. And then they giggle and pretend they understand. I mean, they do, but they've forgotten over time. So I remind them and it seems so weird and foreign to them to just be sooooo in love with You because You are and we are and I am and we are one!! That's enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bahahaha, so gooooooooood, Jesus!!! Wahooo! Woop!!! Water balloons cause we can. :)
lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Happiness :)
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Journal 35
So...
I'm purposefully going to go out of my way to make this as vague as possible. I really just wanna have this as a little milestone in my life. Something I can look back on and be cooled out by/about.
I think a lot of what I used to expect in life is manifesting because I'm now seeing it's true reality in Jesus' eyes. I'm learning to live fully by my feelings/heart (because it pumps so beautifully...it's JESUS!) and not stay stuck in my head all the time. With that being said, there's something really awesome and lovely that Jesus is working in my life that I'm just pumped about because I can see myself...old Martina, present Martina, AND future Martina wrapped up in this in a completely healthy and beneficial way. Never have I ever seen anything like this. I am baffled, taken aback, but super stoked because Holy Spirit is so dang good all the time.
Dang good You are, Jesus!
On a lesser vague note,
A band that I used to be hardcore into has disappointed me lately. I am currently catching up on what they've been doing and how they're all doing. My heart's a little broken for what's happened to them and how they're viewing things, but ya know? I know that my prayers are comfort to them. Hahahahaha....God...You're so good, hahahahahahaahaha. Hehehe. Oh man...Oh, son of Man! Hahaha! Gosh...I just love so stinkin' much the way that You romance me all the time. Hehehehahahaha. Lolol.
Anyways....ahahaahaha....in all of it, my past is starting to make a whole heck of a lot of sense to me now and I'm learning to really be okay with it. It's okay to have my regrets...like, wish I did something different without feeling ashamed...just learning but being okay with my mistakes...and having them come full circle in a healthy way. Like, I'm learning how to take my old habits or whatever, dig deep and see what was really going on there, yank it out, and then display it from my heart for my world to see. Heahaha, it's so good. I'm so glad that I don't have to attempt to not be myself, even as this band would say. I'm so glad that I don't have to live in this tension between my head and my soul. I just love what God can teach me through people and music and experiences and Himself in that. Oh, wow. Hahaha. I just....absolutely love what You're doing in my life. Even when I get all messed up and stuff. With confusion and gunk. But nope, You're right here. Like nothing ever happened.
Maybe it never really did in a detrimental way that had enough significance to matter much in the big scheme of things.
I'm gonna write a story one day.
I'm purposefully going to go out of my way to make this as vague as possible. I really just wanna have this as a little milestone in my life. Something I can look back on and be cooled out by/about.
I think a lot of what I used to expect in life is manifesting because I'm now seeing it's true reality in Jesus' eyes. I'm learning to live fully by my feelings/heart (because it pumps so beautifully...it's JESUS!) and not stay stuck in my head all the time. With that being said, there's something really awesome and lovely that Jesus is working in my life that I'm just pumped about because I can see myself...old Martina, present Martina, AND future Martina wrapped up in this in a completely healthy and beneficial way. Never have I ever seen anything like this. I am baffled, taken aback, but super stoked because Holy Spirit is so dang good all the time.
Dang good You are, Jesus!
On a lesser vague note,
A band that I used to be hardcore into has disappointed me lately. I am currently catching up on what they've been doing and how they're all doing. My heart's a little broken for what's happened to them and how they're viewing things, but ya know? I know that my prayers are comfort to them. Hahahahaha....God...You're so good, hahahahahahaahaha. Hehehe. Oh man...Oh, son of Man! Hahaha! Gosh...I just love so stinkin' much the way that You romance me all the time. Hehehehahahaha. Lolol.
Anyways....ahahaahaha....in all of it, my past is starting to make a whole heck of a lot of sense to me now and I'm learning to really be okay with it. It's okay to have my regrets...like, wish I did something different without feeling ashamed...just learning but being okay with my mistakes...and having them come full circle in a healthy way. Like, I'm learning how to take my old habits or whatever, dig deep and see what was really going on there, yank it out, and then display it from my heart for my world to see. Heahaha, it's so good. I'm so glad that I don't have to attempt to not be myself, even as this band would say. I'm so glad that I don't have to live in this tension between my head and my soul. I just love what God can teach me through people and music and experiences and Himself in that. Oh, wow. Hahaha. I just....absolutely love what You're doing in my life. Even when I get all messed up and stuff. With confusion and gunk. But nope, You're right here. Like nothing ever happened.
Maybe it never really did in a detrimental way that had enough significance to matter much in the big scheme of things.
I'm gonna write a story one day.
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